National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. Each year, over half a million dreams are shattered. Out of 3.3 million born alive, some 30,000 die during the first 28 days. Another 39,000 babies are still born. Miscarriage occurs in fifteen to twenty percent of pregnancies, while ectopic pregnancy occurs in one percent.

More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.

On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action.

~An angel wrote in the book of life, my baby's date of birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "Too 

beautiful for earth."~

                                                        ~In our lives for a moment but in our hearts forever~

No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.

Hope

I just hope. I hope for good timing. A round belly. A healthy pregnancy. A bouncing baby. I do hope. Though, I have moments, even days where hope is strained and pessimism sets in like a flu. I hope for a chance to be a Mum and to see my husband as a Dad. What two greater honors are there in this life?



I realize that life is not ALL about becoming pregnant or having a child. I also know that I have seen and done a lot and sure there is more to do... Always more... And I feel in my very being that having a child is not only a gift but it is something I would like to experience in this lifetime. It is something I would feel so blessed to say outloud one day "I am the mother of...." "This is my child." 



I know that having a baby will not complete me. I know there is always more to "want" and "need" but I also know that wanting to have a baby after my miscarriage is a really deep want. It is more of a want then it was when I got pregnant and didn't know my baby was going to die. I really WANT to know what it is to be a mother and kiss my child. So, I have hope today. I see hope. I feel hope. 

And I also know that sometimes HOPE is all we have.

Miscarriage Statistics

I was googling trying to find info about miscarriage statistics and this is what I found....
 
The statistics regarding miscarriage vary widely depending on the source. Here are some of the basic numbers.

Almost 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, with the majority occurring during the first 12 weeks.

There is a 75% chance of miscarriage in weeks 1-2 of pregnancy, when you do not know you are pregnant.

There is a 10% chance of miscarriage in weeks 3-6 and this number drops to 5% during weeks 6-12.

During the second trimester the chance of miscarriage drops again to 3%. After you’ve reached 20 weeks gestation, it is no longer considered a miscarriage.

For repeat miscarriage the statistic are as follows:

If you have had a miscarriage during your first pregnancy, your chances of another miscarriage are 10-13%.

If you have had one or more live births and one miscarriage your chance of another miscarriage is around 10%.

There is a 40% chance of a repeat miscarriage if you have had two pregnancies and two miscarriages.

The chance of multiple miscarriages is lower, at around 13%, if you have had one or more live births.

If you have had three pregnancies and three miscarriages there is a 60% chance you will miscarry again. If you have had four miscarriages with no live births your chances of a healthy pregnancy drop to 0-5%.

Healing

I am one of millions of women who suffer silently. Who are told to "bounce back," who are told "Don't worry, you can try again!" I am one of the women who people avoid now in the halls at work because they don't know how to acknowledge my losses and me. I am one of the women that have lost too much and yet I still have room in my heart to try again and I still have the guts to go for it and take the risk of losing someone I love for a chance at gaining someone I love.

I am not alone however feeling very alone. Isolated. Like miscarriage is a disease that nobody wants to talk about. You don't hear about it until you fall victim to a stranger telling you that your baby no longer has a heart beat. I am one of the women who lost two babies and those will always be my babies. They will always be my children. They will always be my first.

I am one of the women who are dedicated to turning the word miscarriage into something people talk about. Something people deal with rather than shovel it beneath the bed with all the other "uncomfortable" subjects out there.

I won't let my babies go unnoticed- I will fight for understanding, sensitivity and proper care when it comes to women who have lost babies and the Doctors who shuffle them through like cattle. I won't give in and  I won't give up.

I am a woman who's voice you will hear... and that I promise you. The medical system needs a kick in the ass. Doctors need MANY lessons in what it means to have a heart. And people in general need to know that having a miscarriage is a LOSS. It is a huge, giant, enormous, awful, painful, terrible, lonely LOSS. It doesn't get better after a week, a month or a year. It just gets different. People need to talk about it. Learn about it. Know about it. And people need to honor it.

By writing this and connecting with other women and people in general I am starting my journey to help change how miscarriage is perceived and received in this society. I am also continuing the journey to heal and that will be life long.

Dear Little baby

Dear Little Baby,

You died. You died about two and a half weeks ago. Today, I would have been 14 weeks pregnant with you. Somehow, we lost you along the way and your little soul has left us. We are devastated. Your little life inside my belly made my heart flutter and gave me such purpose. Your father never worked harder, and had new inspiration to make life for you and for us, the best possible. I know these things happen. They always say “life isn’t fair” and boy, whoever they are, they are RIGHT! I lost you, but I will never forget you, ever. You taught us so much. Our love for one another has grown more than I ever thought possible. You taught me about silence and peace, and to just sit a while with my thoughts before acting. You taught me patience….which is a big one. Each day, I had to be patient with my body, with it’s changes and with the constant nagging thought that something could go wrong. But I kept the faith. And, still, something just wasn’t right.

What I have learned the most, is how lucky I am. I am so lucky to have met your father and to have found the kind of love in him and with him that some, only dream of. I feel blessed that I have a healthy body, and can conceive again, hopefully.

With you , we learned that we could get pregnant, and be loving and caring parents.
I learned what I want out of life. Thanks to you, I know that I want to be a Mummy and that being a MUMMY will be the most important job of my life. Before I got pregnant with you, I didn’t know. I knew that it was what “people did” and that I thought it would be cool to have a baby. I liked kids, always have. But now, I know. I know that I would get pregnant tomorrow if I could and I would do it all over again. And, I am praying that we will have the chance.

But you little one, your soul has taken flight. For that I am more sad than I have ever been in my life. The people that were ready and excited to welcome you into this world have all shared their sorrow with us. We have a good family and great friends around us. I will always know you. I will always be grateful for you. I will always think of you. And I will always, always love you.

Good Bye baby Rice,

Love your
Mummy xxxx