Letter to an Eleven Month Old

Hello beautiful girl,

10.11.10

How we have come 11 months in the blink of an eye I just don’t know. Our lives have changed so much in so many ways, and yet in some ways they don’t really feel like they’ve changed at all. It’s so hard to explain, but it is what it is.

This has been an incredible month. I’ve felt motherly pride rise up in my so many times in ways and for things I never thought possible. I know you’re not the first baby to go through these things, but you’re my first baby to go through them and they are your firsts.

You walk perfectly now –  We took you to Battersea park and you practically ran for probably a kilometre. When Daddy tried to pick you up you screamed and cried so much we were shocked and eventually put you down – and you were off again.

You are so inquisitive too. You are always searching in things, moving things to look behind them and climbing over things. It’s rather cute watching you stretch up to the handle on your tip toes and I’m secretly glad you don’t reach yet.

You’ve started copying sounds that we make. When we eat you go hmm-hmm just like I do. If I say ‘come’ you say ‘hm’, if I say baby-girl, you say ba-bee. Dad-deee is still your favourite though. You’ve also learned to kiss. It started as an open mouthed leaning towards the mouth, then you started blowing kisses and now you’ve learned to kiss properly and we so love your kisses.

The last week or so has been rough on you as you’ve been ill with colds and coughs.

So there you are, little girl. Superbly cute, clever, chatty and you make me smile every day.

The clinginess has passed a bit and you’re much more easy-going at the moment. Your sleep is better too, still wake like clock work between 11pm and 12am to jump in with us.

You’re a joy to be with and a pleasure to raise. Yes, I have tough days, yes, some nights I could cry for sleep, but all in all, I wouldn’t give you up for the world.This month is full of change, with mummy getting ready to return to work, but I’m pretty certain you’ll take it in your stride, just as you have everything else.

Love you, beautiful.

Don’t grow too much this month.

Mummy

The dreded day

Well that dreded day has arrived.

It's 11am and I have 6 hours until I am officialy joing the rat race once again
I have been trying to find exccuses for not returning to work. I know I don't have to, and Ny would happily look after us, But I like to help. Its part time for Gods aske! why am I moaning. Only 25 hours a week. It's a well paid job too. If we are going to get the 4 bedroom house, with huuuge garden, drive garage and an office for me! then I should go back.
Why do I feel so quilty?. . .
It's not like she will notice I am even gone. Most nights I start at 5pm and home by 7:30pm.

But I will  miss
Dinner time
Bathtime
Story time
Snuggle time
And bedtime . . .

The plan was to take Tula to work with me, but there has been a change of plan. My empoyers no longer want me to bring her to work with me. Selfish cold pepole they are.

4pm I ho I ho, it's off to work I go, I guess . . .





9pm I'm home!! I think now I know what a mummy kangaroo feels when its baby has left its sack... lighter in some ways but heavier in others. And always, always glad to see her baby

One good man = Ny

1. He alsways does what he can to please me, even if he doesn't want to do it.

2. He helped me with all the admin side of things on BN.

3. He hides the fact that he is stressed from me so I will not be affected.

4. He likes going on dates.

5. He appreciates me being able to read him, gauge his mood and pacify him when need be.

6. We laugh together, no matter what.

7. We talk, talk, talk.

8. He puts up with alot of my rubbish.

9. The way he loves Tula makes my heart melt.

10. He is one of the smartest people I know. And respect. And love.

Blurt

Once upon a time I met a frog.
I kissed the frog.
He turned into a Grumpy Prince.
I married him anyway.
We had a baby.
This meant getting pregnant.
Being pregnant is very strange.
I felt an intense urge to blurt this out to everyone.
Having a baby also, oddly, means ACTUALLY having a baby.
I felt the need to blurt this out as well.
I am still blurting.
Welcome to my blurt.

What to do When Insomnia Takes Hold:

1. Listen to radio.

2. Watch good old Divorce court.

3. Check in on your baby more than once an hour.


4. Paint the nails you have been waiting to do for the past Gid knows how may months.

5. Update your blog. If you do not have one, start one.

6. Get to know everyone in your Facebook friends´list by sending them short, sweet messages. Marvel at their photos and smile at their antics and thank God you are friends.

7. Email people you have always wanted to email for the longest time. A simple "hi, I am awake this late and thought of you" will be more than enough.

8. Set your alarm for a time when you should be awake at the latest. Sleep might take hold at any time and you do not want to be caught unaware.

9. Look through photos still in your digital camera.

10. Read that good book you never had time to read through before.

Time Soars

It´s been nearly a 4 months since I last wrote in my blog and I feel guilty... hoo boy do I feel guilty. As guilty as not calling someone when I said I would, not keeping in touch with old friends, and not being able to stick to my diet... those kinds of guilt. I could rationalize that it´s because I´ve been so busy, but then the next logical question would be "with what?. This is because my days follow one after the other in a similar, if frantic pattern.

Wake up.
Feed the baby.
Cahnage nappy.
Wash baby.
Dress baby.
Check emails.
Get washed & dressed.
Play with baby.
Check emails.
Put baby to nap.
Reply to emails.
Walk in the park.
Prepare lunch.
Feed the baby.
Load laundry.
Fold dried laundry.
Play with baby.
Feed the baby.
Change the baby´s nappy.
Sing to baby or watch cbbeeies together.
Change the baby´s nappy.
Make lunch or wash the dishes after lunch.
Hang laundry. Load washer with the next batch.
Feed the baby.
Try to work, answer emails, write in the blog.
Feed the baby. Think about dinner.
Change the baby´s nappy.
Make dinner or wash the dishes.
Check on laundry. Hang laundry.
Feed baby.
Bath baby.
Check emails.
work on website while hubby plays video games.
Sleep.


And.... wash, rinse, repeat. It feels like Groundhog Day with the difference being- believe it or not, the days blend in together because I have a love hate relationship with this routine. It involves spending a lot of time and energy taking care of a little person I care deeply about so, like any mother with child, the experience can be liberating, rewarding, humbling and exasperating, all rolled into one. With this type of schedule, time does not only fly, but soars to limits I cannot imagine.

I wish nappy changes would go quicker and become fewer and further apart in instances from each other. I wish time with hubby would be more frequent and longer. I wish I had more of my time alone with myself... but then immediately think no, I shouldn´t feel this way. After all, it was our decision to love and raise our daughter, and it is a decision we have to see through, otherwise it would not be fair to her or to us as a family unit.

So, I´ll take the busy, routine days. I´ll withstand the nappy changes and the poo smells associated with this task. I´ll accept the interrupted sleep and the eyebags that follow. I´ll take time passing like a speeding locomotive and just pray that I am nimble enough to step out of its way. I will also pray that I get lucky, and that some days will see the fruits of my labour in my little girl´s smile. And then I will realize that time soars, and it is carrying me higher and higher, past all the boundaries that I want to overcome.

And as these tribulations become but specks in the distance, I will only look forward to a new day with new challenges, and hope that time will be on my side once again.