What to do When Insomnia Takes Hold:

1. Listen to radio.

2. Watch good old Divorce court.

3. Check in on your baby more than once an hour.


4. Paint the nails you have been waiting to do for the past Gid knows how may months.

5. Update your blog. If you do not have one, start one.

6. Get to know everyone in your Facebook friends´list by sending them short, sweet messages. Marvel at their photos and smile at their antics and thank God you are friends.

7. Email people you have always wanted to email for the longest time. A simple "hi, I am awake this late and thought of you" will be more than enough.

8. Set your alarm for a time when you should be awake at the latest. Sleep might take hold at any time and you do not want to be caught unaware.

9. Look through photos still in your digital camera.

10. Read that good book you never had time to read through before.

Time Soars

It´s been nearly a 4 months since I last wrote in my blog and I feel guilty... hoo boy do I feel guilty. As guilty as not calling someone when I said I would, not keeping in touch with old friends, and not being able to stick to my diet... those kinds of guilt. I could rationalize that it´s because I´ve been so busy, but then the next logical question would be "with what?. This is because my days follow one after the other in a similar, if frantic pattern.

Wake up.
Feed the baby.
Cahnage nappy.
Wash baby.
Dress baby.
Check emails.
Get washed & dressed.
Play with baby.
Check emails.
Put baby to nap.
Reply to emails.
Walk in the park.
Prepare lunch.
Feed the baby.
Load laundry.
Fold dried laundry.
Play with baby.
Feed the baby.
Change the baby´s nappy.
Sing to baby or watch cbbeeies together.
Change the baby´s nappy.
Make lunch or wash the dishes after lunch.
Hang laundry. Load washer with the next batch.
Feed the baby.
Try to work, answer emails, write in the blog.
Feed the baby. Think about dinner.
Change the baby´s nappy.
Make dinner or wash the dishes.
Check on laundry. Hang laundry.
Feed baby.
Bath baby.
Check emails.
work on website while hubby plays video games.
Sleep.


And.... wash, rinse, repeat. It feels like Groundhog Day with the difference being- believe it or not, the days blend in together because I have a love hate relationship with this routine. It involves spending a lot of time and energy taking care of a little person I care deeply about so, like any mother with child, the experience can be liberating, rewarding, humbling and exasperating, all rolled into one. With this type of schedule, time does not only fly, but soars to limits I cannot imagine.

I wish nappy changes would go quicker and become fewer and further apart in instances from each other. I wish time with hubby would be more frequent and longer. I wish I had more of my time alone with myself... but then immediately think no, I shouldn´t feel this way. After all, it was our decision to love and raise our daughter, and it is a decision we have to see through, otherwise it would not be fair to her or to us as a family unit.

So, I´ll take the busy, routine days. I´ll withstand the nappy changes and the poo smells associated with this task. I´ll accept the interrupted sleep and the eyebags that follow. I´ll take time passing like a speeding locomotive and just pray that I am nimble enough to step out of its way. I will also pray that I get lucky, and that some days will see the fruits of my labour in my little girl´s smile. And then I will realize that time soars, and it is carrying me higher and higher, past all the boundaries that I want to overcome.

And as these tribulations become but specks in the distance, I will only look forward to a new day with new challenges, and hope that time will be on my side once again.

Something magical

It's an amazing thing. A lot more to it then I ever imagined. Tonight as I am holding Tulá, she falls asleep on my chest. It puts me in a state of total relaxation. It almost feels like we melted into each other.

I don't know what it is but there is something so magical about being a mother. I love my husband, I love my family. But this love is completely different.

She has my  eyes. I know they may change as she gets older but for now, she has my eyes. Do you know how amazing it is to look at her eyes and know it came from me? It's weird. And you will never understand it until you experience it.

I seriously could care less about my career. 

 I could spend the rest of my life as a full time mum and be completely okay with that.

I now realize that being a mum is the best thing I will ever do!

I thought I knew Love

I thought I knew love. I do know love but now it comes in a different form. I am in love with my husband. He's an amazing support system.

So this different form of love, I call it motherhood. I was told you never know how much you can love someone until you have a child. I look at Tula and I want to cry. Even when she's crying and won't go to sleep. I stare at her and can't believe she's mine. She is so gorgeous and I am in total awe. I love being at home with her and it makes me want to be a stay at home mum more and more.

Nyron is a great father, even though he doesn't think it, he really is. Of course I have had my sleep-deprived, post-partum hormonal moments which I have taken out on him but he takes it with such grace. He nodds his head, and walks away. He's amazing with Tula and he is totally in love. She has him wrapped around her finger and she's barely 5 months old.

Right now I am sitting next to the baby monitor. Tula is not wanting to go to sleep but he's keeping his patience and talking to her. I know he wants her to sleep so bad but he continues to sooth her. I don't think he knows I have the monitor on.

Motherhood is a great thing to be a part of.
 I am finally feeling a part of this new club. It's a lifetime membership and I am proud to be a part of it.

A Bad day'S Mothering

I know everyone has them. Those days where you just feel like nothing youre doing is right. When you suspect, in the back of your frazzled mind, that you might be ruining your poor, sweet, crying child, for ever.

I’m not sure if it’s the post Christmas let down, as our family wittles down to just the three of us again, if it’s the snowy cold weather, or if it’s teething or some other developmental milestone, but Tula has had a really rough few days.

We had two nights of very little sleep, day and night. We’re also incapable of putting her down at the moment without a heartbreaking, why – don’t- you -love -me -anymore scream fest. She’s obviously exhausted, but even putting her down to sleep, which normally might perhaps if anything raise a whimper, is now a tear inducing trauma.

And I’m just not the ‘Cry It Out’ sort of mother. Yes, I believe they need to ‘learn’. I believe that she needs to know I have her best interests at heart. I believe she can’t run the roost, so to speak.

But if I were upset, miserable, and simply not myself, and I was not physically able to tell those closest to me what was wrong, and I was ignored and left to my misery, I would very quickly develop a negative relationship with those people.

How can I expect my baby to be okay, to trust me or to believe I am looking after her interests, if I can’t be there for her in her most vulnerable times?

As my frantic little one falls asleep in her daddy’s chest after a dose of Rescue Remedy and some crushed chamomila (for the teeth) I can only hope for a better tomorrow.