Healing

I am one of millions of women who suffer silently. Who are told to "bounce back," who are told "Don't worry, you can try again!" I am one of the women who people avoid now in the halls at work because they don't know how to acknowledge my losses and me. I am one of the women that have lost too much and yet I still have room in my heart to try again and I still have the guts to go for it and take the risk of losing someone I love for a chance at gaining someone I love.

I am not alone however feeling very alone. Isolated. Like miscarriage is a disease that nobody wants to talk about. You don't hear about it until you fall victim to a stranger telling you that your baby no longer has a heart beat. I am one of the women who lost two babies and those will always be my babies. They will always be my children. They will always be my first.

I am one of the women who are dedicated to turning the word miscarriage into something people talk about. Something people deal with rather than shovel it beneath the bed with all the other "uncomfortable" subjects out there.

I won't let my babies go unnoticed- I will fight for understanding, sensitivity and proper care when it comes to women who have lost babies and the Doctors who shuffle them through like cattle. I won't give in and  I won't give up.

I am a woman who's voice you will hear... and that I promise you. The medical system needs a kick in the ass. Doctors need MANY lessons in what it means to have a heart. And people in general need to know that having a miscarriage is a LOSS. It is a huge, giant, enormous, awful, painful, terrible, lonely LOSS. It doesn't get better after a week, a month or a year. It just gets different. People need to talk about it. Learn about it. Know about it. And people need to honor it.

By writing this and connecting with other women and people in general I am starting my journey to help change how miscarriage is perceived and received in this society. I am also continuing the journey to heal and that will be life long.