Diary of a first time Mum: April 2010

Monday, 26 April 2010

Thursday, 22 April 2010

I’m a new mum to my baby Tulá writing here to record these early days for my own sake, and for hers.
I started writing to chronicle my daughter’s life, but I have come to realise that with the birth of a child, comes the birth of a mother and a father, and I am growing and developing too. I guess this blog also chronicles my move from being a nanny, with little other focus, to being more of the person I want to be. I am on a journey of discovery, changing step by step, and my blog has quickly become the chronicle of that journey too.
I wanted to start this when I first found out I was pregnant, but had little tie to do so, and also had no idea how too.
I’m documenting these early days for myself and for my daughter that when times get tough she will know how much she is wanted, loved and enjoyed. Even on the hard days, or the tired days, she is always adored.
I am now going back 20 months to the day I started to plan for Tulá.

For our friends and family who live far away, this blog is a way of keeping you in touch with it all.

For those who don’t know us at all, this is so you know you’re not the only one going through it.

It's a Girl!

St Thomas's Hospital for our 20 week scan.

I couldn't sleep at all the night before, a mixture of fear and excitement. I kept think, what if there's something wrong with the baby?. . .

What if there's no heart beat?

what if there is no baby?

what if?

I was up at 6am, our appointment wasn't until 10am

I have been so careful and have prayed so hard these past 20 weeks that my baby is well.

I use to hold my stomach and begged my baby to live, I was so scared of loosing this baby I wanted so much.

I had a bit of a cry before we left the house. Nyron reassured me all would be OK.

We took the bus{12} to St Thomas's, because of parking. I was pretty much silent, I was praying so hard that all was OK, and that I would be blessed with a little girl.

I so much wanted a little girl.

I have two younger cousin who have recently had children, both boys. My sister in law was also pregnant, 4 weeks ahead of me and was expecting a boy too. So I was thinking I must be having the girl, Please let it be a girl.

We finally arrived at the Hospital and made our way in.

We sat in the waiting room what seemed like forever, Nyron & I were holding hands so tightly. Both very excited at seeing our baby for the first time.

After an hour or so long wait we were finally taken for the scan.

I lay on the bed and Nyron sat along side me. There was a large screen on the wall just below the bed.

The lady who did the scan proceeded to put the gel on. I was so nervous at this point. My heart was beating so fast, I held onto Nyron's hand. The sonographer asked me to look straight ahead at the screen. I told her I couldn't, I was too scared that something was wrong and I didn't want to see it.

She then put the hand held gizmo over my stomach, I just lay still trying to breath.

Next thing I heard was "Rass!" in true Jamaican style from Nyron. I turned and looked at the screen, there was my baby, Bouncing around. Tears filled my eyes, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was amazing. My baby is moving around, I thought to myself, "why can't I feel that" I tried to, but not yet.

Nyron looked so shocked, we both couldn't believe what we were seeing, our baby.

We kept smiling at one another, big cheesy grins.

We were so happy. The sosnographer did all the necessary checks for a few minutes. We just sat there mesmerised and amazed glued to the screen. She then said all looked fine but I need to be tested for Down syndrome, that again caused me to panic.

I went to have the blood test and then waited for a while once again in the waiting area.

22 Weeks Pregnant 4D Scan Images

www.cocoon4d3dbabyscans.co.uk/4d-faq/

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Cystal Palace Park & Lunch on the Heath!

6 months old today!

Darling Tulá

These past 6 months have just flown can’t believe you’re six months old today.

You've gone to Avo's today, you should be home very shortly. Tia Lucia took you to the park for the 1st time today. She sent me a photo of you sleeping on the grass.I can't wait to hug you, it's been 5 hours now! I have baked you some cupcakes to mark your 6 months. Wow I can still see you, a tiny little curled up figure, barely bigger than my two hands, time is flying and it scares me.

I look back on that day and I remember it with a smile, a warmth, yet at the same time soothing high, comes over me and I feel a rush of emotion. Every time I think about the day you were born tears fill my eyes. I feel so much love. I never knew it could be like this. I used to lie in bed and try to imagine how much I would love you, but I never came close.

You’ve had such a busy month, its exhausting keeping up with you.

You’re constantly trying to stand up too. Pulling yourself up on things.

You’ve been talking to us a lot. Di di da da da seems to be your favourite at the moment. Can't wait to hear you say ma ma ma mama. You keep Blowing loads of bubbles too!
You never stop smiling and giggling. You Love your Daddy so much, it's cute to see your eyes light up when he walks in from work, your heart races as he walks towards you. He Loves you so much too.

Your now eating so well, and Love everything you have tried so far. Carrots, Yam, sweet Potatoes, Cauliflower Cheese, Rice cakes, melon, Bananas even a lick of Ice cream with Strawberry sauce at Crystal Palace Park yesterday.

For some reason you’re not sleeping too well at the moment. You’ve never had any trouble sleeping, but of late you keep waking after an hour or so and keep doing this through out the night until we put you in your favourite sleeping place, in between the two people whom Love you more than anything in this whole wide world, Our bed.
I assume that's why you keep waking. I have to admit, I Love having you sleep with us, I Love holding your little hand while you drift away to sleep. I Love hearing you babbling in the morning to wake us baby. While you were in mummy's tummy I would lay in bed and try and imagine what you would look like, I could hardly wait to have you laying in between us. Its all seems still so unreal. I feel so blessed to have such a beautiful little girl as a daughter.

I just want to thank you for gracing us with your beautiful presence. Thank you for being our baby, our daughter and for the endless blessings and happiness you give us.

You fill a place in my heart that I had no idea was empty.

Love you with all my heart and soul.

Your Mummy ♥♥♥