Letter to a 21 month old

Hello beautiful girl,

18.07.11                                                                          

Yesterday you turned 21 months old, and right now, I think of you and little butterflies flutter in my heart and bring a smile to my face. I wish I could formulate words to tell you how perfect I think you are. Of course, you’re a toddler. You refuse to pick up your toys when I ask you, and turn your head away pretending you can’t hear me when I tell you it's bedtime. You’re by no means ‘perfect’, but you are my perfect little girl.

You give me the most beautiful kisses I’ve ever had. You suck in your cheeks like a goldfish and stick out your lips, and your little lips are like all my Christmases and birthdays in one. You make my heart flutter. I remember when I used to give you kisses, before you understood about kisses and I wondered how we teach – or in fact why we teach – affection with kisses. But it worked out well for me. They’re the highlight of my day.

Your vocabulary is pretty amazing. I always thought it would be difficult to teach a child how to speak, but it’s been so easy with you. No one believes me that you can have a pretty good conversation though, because as soon as I bring a phone, near you, you go shy and quiet. It’s wonderful though. For example, I say, “Can you go call Daddy ?” And you’ll run off, say “Daddy”.

You have grown very attachted to Winnie the Pooh this month, and Love watching the DVDS, you hug your pooh bear at bed time, you do the cutiest thing befre you lay down, you arrange all your bears around your pillow.

Minnie Mouse on the left of the pillow, Pooh abouve Minnie, Iggle Piggle on the right, Piglet just above Iggle, and last night your Ken doll joined them all too!

We went to a family party on Saturday and you picked up Iggle piggle and Ken and placed them in my hand bag when we were getting ready to leave, that was too cute.

We found out a few months ago that I’m expecting another baby. I’ve had very mixed feelings on this. Of course, I’m thrilled – I can’t tell you how excited I am to be bringing another little life into the world, but at the same time, I have such a sadness inside me that an end is coming to our ‘usness’, and that we’ll have to make space in our relationship for another child. I know it will be okay, and I know it will be a great, great thing for you, but I will miss us. Just you and me. (And Daddy of course, but I’m talking about you and me now.)

But, one day when you’re all grown up, you’ll be glad you have a brother or sister. And I wanted him or her to be close to you in age so that you don’t have to be a little mother, but a big sister. That’s my hope for you my beautiful girl. That you will be a wonderful big sister.

I love you so so much.

Mummy

This song just reminds me of you . . . Glad you came

Motherhood

Remembering

My Dear Little Tutu, My Journey, Little Rice, My Sweet Lil' Tutu,

I remember when I planned your existence, or tried to at least.
I remember when your daddy said "ok, let's do this," or something to that effect.
I remember when I saw two lines on the pregnancy test, and I couldn't believe it. My arms were shaking, and I took another test.
I remember when the word "pregnant" lit up across the screen. Your daddy still didn't get it. I had to spell it out.
I remember wondering if you'd stick around, almost every day of my pregnancy.
I remember the first time I knew it was you kicking inside me, and the way your daddy's eyes lit up when he felt it too.
I remember stressing about how you would come into the world, even though I kept telling myself not to.
I remember the blessing your daddy gave me before you were born, and feeling relief.

I remember the moment you were placed in my arms, and saying "Hi baby!" You were so so tiny.

I remember the first time I nursed you, and wondering how long we'd last.
I remember taking you home from the hospital decked out from head to toe, and dressing you up every day since then.

I remember your first smile. Your first laugh in your sleep.

I remember our first trip together. You were such a good girl on the flight.

I remember people holding you as a newborn and wondering what they meant by you making their uterus ache. Now I get it.
I remember how calm you were when you were passed around all day. But how extra happy you were by my side.

I remember the first time you said "dada" even though I had been saying "mama" to you every day from day one.
And the time you said "dada" on command when your daddy was recording it. I was in disbelief.
When you said "mama" my heart melted. Even though you were whining to be picked up. I remember that.

I remember when your first tooth came in.
And the your first taste of food. You licked the bowl afterward.

I remember when you used to cry at night when we'd lay you down to sleep. Now you fall asleep on your own without a hitch.
I remember when you would wake up in the middle of the night, before I went to bed, and I'd bring you into the living room for 2am photoshoots with my phone.
I remember tickle fights, and your belly laughs, they are music to my ears.

I remember agonizing over raising you right, wondering if I was doing it the right way. I still do, but now I'm more confidant.

I remember when you first sat up, rolled over, cruised across the floor--backwards first, and now, your first steps.

I remember these things like it was yesterday, yet it all began nearly two years ago.
You changed my life forever.

Mummy loves Tula.

You do Love a slide

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Now we really can scream!!!

Lol

Ramblings Of An Overtired Mother

I remember a hearing once that any man can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a Daddy. 

I remember thinking that’s true.

And now I think there’s a missing second line to that: 

Many a woman can be a mother, but it takes a special one to be a good mother. 

Yeah, okay, I won’t win accolades, but it is true.

This has been a particularly trying few weeks in our home, and my patience is running very, very short. The disturbed and broken sleep of the last three nights certainly doesn’t help, and the fact that our lives are a little up in the air, we’ve just found out we're having another baby a lot sonner than I thought it would happen. Moving around this tiny flat, not knowing what to do about work, carry on or give up and the fact that my mum has been stressing the hell out of me about nearly everything doesn't help on abit neither. All add up to me being – well… not the best.

Being a mother isn’t that hard. Get pregnant, have a baby, get the baby to adulthood alive and with as little scarring as possible. But everything beyond that basic baseline instruction takes effort. Time, energy, motivation. Effort.

Of course it’s not always tough, and sometimes it’s downright fantastic, but even in the worst job you have good days. What differentiates motherhood from a ‘real job’ is that you don’t get to go home, you don’t get to take days off, and there’s no changing jobs to get away from a bad situation. Oh, and in a ‘real job’ you get to hand over to someone else when you need to.

As a mother, however, you’re on call all the time. Even ‘scheduled’ me time falls away when something else comes up. There’s no explaining ‘me time’ to a frantic, "BUSY" {as we like to call her} toddler.

Engaging young minds is hard work. Enthusiastic work. Energy consuming work. Whether you slept or not. Going on outings, for walks, teaching, drawing, singing, reading. Sleep is irrelevant. But keeping a child active and engaged is definitely the lesser evil – a bored and frustrated toddler is just plain scary.

Not snapping and getting irritable at the ‘Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummmy, what's this? what's this? what's this?’ that follows you around the house, or currently for us, ‘up, up, up’ is really hard. Especially when you haven’t slept.

Being a mother might be the most rewarding thing I have ever ever done. It might be the thing that’s made me grow more than anything else, and it might be the biggest thing that I would never ‘undo’ given the chance, but being good at it… well… it’s undervalued.

If I put this much energy, effort, emotion, thought, passion, self and time into a ‘real job’, I’d own the company by now.

* We do still cosleep, some what,the fact I have been trying to get Tula to sleep in her own bed through the nightis stressing me out. I think the fact I feel so stressed and unsettled, are making for an unsettled little one who wakes up moaning a lot.which means I don’t sleep much or well when I do.

*This makes me cranky. This makes Tula cranky. Two crankies don’t make a happy. Or something like that.

Beaming with pride

I can count to 10 !!!!


Your 20 months old you have been counting to 10 the last few weeks. Now I think that's pretty impressive!

You make me so proud Tutu

Swing mummy

Hello Baby

Hello Baby,

I’m your mummy. I found out about you a week ago, and I’ve been wanting to write to you and welcome you, but I must say, I’ve been so busy it’s been hard to sit down and find a gap to form the thoughts in my head into words.

So, how did it happen? Well, I just felt ‘funny’ and was pretty certain I’d missed my period (if you’re a boy and that’s TMI, I apologise!) so I when to our Gp and requested 2 pregnancy tests.I was at work at the time. The plan wa to do the test at home with Daddy but I couldn't wait. I did the test at work and had great trouble reading the test, it had the 2 pink lines, but i still wasn't sure, could I be? I called the nurse and she said sounds like I am but I should come in and do another the next day. I told Daddy about the positive test and he was so happy, shocked as it happend a little sooner than we thought it would but happy.

We told Tula, but she’s too small to really understand what it means.

Going by my own dates and guestimates, I suspect you’re now 4 weeks old  I must admit, while I’m excited, I am also quite scared. I keep having flashbacks to Tula’s first days, months, weeks, and I can’t wait to experience it all again. I keep saying to Daddy that I can’t wait to feel you move, so that I know everything is alright.

I have a good 12 or so weeks to wait, but in the meantime, you hold on tight, hang in there where it’s cozy, and know that mummy and daddy love the idea of you so much already.

Lots of love

Mummy