Miscarriage

We lost our baby. Rice I named her after seeing how tiny she looked in our 4 week scan. Not sure if it was a girl, but I have a feeling. I found out we were pregnant on  5th, 2008 and lost the baby on July 9th, 2008. I had gotten so incredibly bonded with the baby growing inside of me. It is amazing how close you can become to something you haven’t even met or seen. I lay awake most nights thinking of the future of our child, what would we name the baby? What would the nursery look like? Would we be good parents? Would I be able to find a job before I started showing? So many thoughts and so much to read and learn. When we first found out we were both shocked and stunned. How did this happen we think? But then, the little angle just took hold of us and everything we did was about this new child we were going to bring into the world. On July 14th I started bleeding, my GP. there was nothing to worry about and allot of women bleed during pregnancy. Implantation bleeding I think she called it.  I knew it wasn’t good, 
When we got to the clinic we had to wait for an hour or so. Then, some insensitive woman did an ultrasound, and took measurements of our baby. She told us that our baby’s heartbeat was not beating. Part of me died that morning for sure. I wailed in the Doctor’s office. I cried and cried. They moved us into a room so that we would not have to sit out in the waiting room with out tears. The Doctor seems so “routine” about it. We had just lost a child, and she was so blasé. Our baby had died at about 12 weeks… right after they told us that there was a healthy heartbeat and that we had a 95% chance of bringing home a healthy baby. It had been gone inside of me for two weeks. It never miscarried itself. So, my options were to “wait” for my baby to come out of me in a painful miscarriage, or to get a D&C, which is a nice word for abortion…and a scraping of the uterus. I chose the D&C so that I could get the baby out and make sure that it wasn’t missed. I was scheduled to go to the hospital that afternoon. Bob and I went home and I started going into labor- it lasted 20 minutes of the worst contractions- and the only contractions I had ever felt. I knew the baby was trying to miscarry. Amy came over and held me. We got a hold of my Mom in Guatemala-, which wasn’t easy. I cried and cried and cried.
That afternoon, Amy, Bob and I went to the Hospital, and it took hours of waiting, but I had my D&C and was sent home. I think during the procedure, I was crying out for my baby. It has been under two weeks since we lost our baby. I haven’t stopped crying. Oh, sure, I stop for hours at a time, but each day, I cry. Bob has been angry more than anything… and I have just been so sad. So terribly sad. I can’t imagine that women go through this everyday, sometimes, more than once. Some women, several times. It is something I always knew was a possibility, but I tried my best to be as careful and loving and calm as I could. And it still doesn’t matter. Our first child has died. I am not sure you ever recover fully from such a loss. Nor, can you compare it to the loss of a grown child. But it is a loss of huge and awful proportions. At night, when I wake, to get something to drink, it hurts. All the nights I laid awake planning for our baby, I was so excited, scared, happy, and nervous. Now, now that the baby is gone, I do feel such a sense of immense loneliness… like something has been robbed from my body and it has.
This changes a person, for sure. I won’t ever be the same. I don’t know about Bob. I think we will “bounce” back and get into our routine and the days will draw longer and separate us from this experience. Time will put distance between us and the baby that we lost. We will get on with out lives and days will pass, and maybe we will get another chance. But I don’t want to live my life obsessing about getting pregnant. Nothing will replace my first experience- and if I get the great honor again, it will be different. Equally wonderful, but different. I think I will have to try hard not to get so attached so early on. How one does this, I do not know? I just hope that we are able to have children and bring them into this world and hold their hands like we had planned. This is such a tough time. I so want it to go away- but I know we must honor our baby and grieve. And we must count our blessings as well. It really made me realize what was important to me. Having a child is important. Having a loving family and caring friends is what matters. Without all of this, we are nothing.

Teething and the Amber beads

Despite its appearance, amber is actually a resin, not a stone, and is therefore a plant residue which is warm to touch and light to wear. There are two theories as to why amber works:

One suggests that when amber is worn on the skin, the skin’s warmth releases minuscule amounts of healing oils from the amber which are then absorbed via the skin into the bloodstream.

A second theory is based on scientific findings, which have shown that amber is electromagnetically alive and therefore charged with a significant amount of organic energy. Its special attribute is the fact that it is electronegative. Wearing amber produces negative ionisation on the skin’s surface. This, in turn, has a positive influence on the human body. The negative ions assist in the in the prevention of illness. These health-promoting effects apply to babies, children and adults alike.

I must admit that I was a bit sceptical at first, but after three days of pretty constant crying, I was ready to try anything. Within half an hour of placing the necklace around her neck, the crying stopped, but the drooling and gnawing continued. Someone suggested to me that the necklace might have a placebo effect, but that certainly doesn’t make sense if it actually works on babies, since they don’t know what it’s supposed to be doing and yet are positively affected. And there are plenty of mothers who say the same.

Amber Teething Necklaces offer exactly that: a wide range of necklaces for babies and children in a range of colours. Their website has a great section which explains what amber is and how to test to be sure that what you have is real amber. In addition, they also offer gift certificatesshould you wish to pass some blessed relief on to another teething baby.


http://www.amber-teething-necklaces.co.uk/categories/Amber-Teething-Necklaces/

Modelling

http://www.kidslondonltd.com

I started sending your photo's out to a few agencies when you were four months old if I remember correct;y.
You had so many responses within hours.
So far you have had casting for : Tesco, Boden, Capol and Mothercare.
Calpol were very interested in you and you were offered the job for the role of a sleeping baby.
Little did I realise how difficult a sleeping baby would be. The shoot was held in N7 Islington, The big sky building Bewrey road.
We arrived at 11am, we were shown to a small dark room with 4 other babies.Which only 1 of them were as cute as you I might add : 0) The photo's added here are the photo's I sent to the agencies.

Anyway,  We were asked to change our babies into some kind of baby grow feed, and  get them too sleep.
Ha! easy, so they thought. You babies just would not sleep. And when you finally did, they were not ready fr you. How mad! They had no idea about babies, they thought every time you ate you would sleep.
You finally fell asleep and I carried you gently to the bed where they wanted you to lay underneath some clouds. Ah my Princess looking so sweet, "Love you so much" I thought to myself. They gently started moving your hands, head and legs, I knew you would wake up. As they began to shoot you woke. Didn't surprise me, the room was so bright with lights and filled with around 12 people all chatting away.
It turned out what was meant to be a fun day into a horrible tiring day. We ended up staying there till 4pm. They kept waiting to see if you would sleep again so as they could keep shooting. They sent all the others home apart from the cute 1 I mentioned. After all that waiting you didn't fall asleep again, I was quite glad really too much of a long day I was dying to get us home. Plus, don't think Daddy was going to be all that pleased with me keeping you there all day.
We got the bus home, you in the sling looking very tired. I felt so terrible for keeping you in a dark from all day.
I didn't hear back from them until yesterday when they requested you again for Mothercare care this time. Fingers crossed!

Tillie Knock Knock

Rainbow Horse

babyfirst tv - harry the bunny

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