Happy Christmas! Tulá's First

First Solids

Please Please Please I welcome everything

I welcome everything. I welcome the morning sickness, the nausea, the face break outs, the sore boobs, the bloating, the weight gain....anything! I am okay with gaining 100 pounds if that means for me to birth a healthy baby. I am okay with throwing up everyday if that means a healthy baby.

When the day comes, I welcome everything.

First Eid

Today is your 1st Eid.
And like Christmas I want this to be as special for us too.
I have decorated the house with lights and glitter. We are all going for a family meal together, Me, you and Daddy.Later we will exchange gifts.
This is also our first meal out as a family.

Tulá's first bath

First bath

Welcome to the World Angel

You looked up and in to my eyes

And in that moment

My whole world changed

Time stood still,

And sped up

I saw your first steps, words, bruise

I saw your first day of school

Your first kiss, tears, disappointment

Your first love, graduation, wedding

I saw your first home away from ours

And your first baby.

I saw a future unfold with unspeakable feelings

in which my heart would ache,

My heart would break,

And my love for you would never fade.

I blinked and saw you again, looking up at me

With those beautiful eyes, in full acceptance,

Full appreciation, full love – staring up at me

Unconditionally loving me, as my eyes unconditionally love you back.

You changed me

My hopes, my dreams, my life

By simply looking up at me

And knowing who I am.

The Birth Of Tulá Leanora Gordon

x

Our little girl was born Sunday 18th October 2010, She weighted 5lbs 12oz


 Tulá was born in St Thomas's Hospital London. Two weeks before Tulá's due date {30/10/10} On Saturday 17th I woke up and cleaned the flat from top to bottom. That evening we had a birthday party to go to. I hadn't been feeling too good that week at all. I could barley walk, They said Tulá was laying on a nerve. 
I finished cleaning at around 16:00 then went for  nap. I woke at around 18:00 with what I thought was the Braxton hicks. I had been having these all week and were no stronger neither. I went into the shower and the Braxton hicks seemed very frequent. So I started to count how fer apart they were. Every 5 minutes lasting 30 seconds approx. I got out of the shower and mentioned it to Nyron, who then said I didn't look to good and decided that we should stay home that evening. I didn't want to stay home and insisted we go to the party. But then they seemed to be coming every 3 minuets or so. I then rang St Thomas's Hospital and spoke to a Midwife who advised me that contractions need to be every 2 minutes lasting 20 seconds or so. She also said I would know if I was in Labour. She advised me to go and have a bath and rest. I still wanted to go to the party, but Nyron insisted we stay in. I then went to bed in a sulk. This was around 19:00.
Nyron went to make himself something to eat. I went into bed and tried calling my Mum, but I kept getting her answering machine. I tried a number of times. I then called my friend Karina, who also said the same thing, I will no doubt no if I was in labour. I then got up and took some paracetamol, just in case things got worse. I went back into bed, I couldn't get comfortable at all, the hicks were getting slight more frequent, but manageable. I wasn't feeling like I was told I would feel if in labour. I felt OK, uncomfortable but OK.
After about 30 minutes or so Karina called back, she said I sounded a little uncomfortable and suggested I go and be checked out at the Hospital, just in case. I could hear Nyron in the living room still eating. I waited for him to finish.


When he was in the kitchen I said to him "lets go to the Hospital, to be safe" This was approx 20:30.
 I went to get dressed, and quickly made the bed just in case my Angel were to come home with us, typical me some of you whom know me will be saying. Hey I wanted everything perfect for my Princess. Nyron went to pick up my Hospital bag, I then "No we wont need that, they will be sending me home" Ha! how wrong was I. Luckily he had more sense and brought the bag anyway. We got into the car, Nyron then noticed he needed petrol. I then remembered I hadn't got my camera, and it was in my car under the seat. Took it out that week to prints some photos. So we stopped and Nyron went to get my camera. He couldn't find it, I kept asking him to look properly. he did a few times. Then he was getting a little frustrated and said" Do you need to go to the Hospital or not?" I said yes I did, again in a sulk. We headed to St Thomas's, stopping for petrol on the way. I then in a panic remembered that I had also forgotten my birth plan, the plan that took me weeks to complete. All my do's and don't wants. I started to cry at this stage. I then thought OK, I will just brief  Nyron on the plan one more time. So I did, and he listened and understood.
I  then remember having this urge to well, pooh. I thought to myself, great I'm going to be one of these women that pooh while giving birth.
By now the what I now know contraction were becoming stronger. Still not painful and bearable.
We arrived at St Thomas's at approx 21:45. By now I could walk to well, and needed to concentrate on my breathing. Funny enough it still didn't occurred to me I was in labour, how silly was I. I got out of the car while Nyron got the bags, I walked very slowly across the road and into the hospital, stopping every few seconds for the contractions to pass.
We got into the hospital and I was offered a wheel chair. Nyron wheeled me up to the maternity ward, making his usual jokes about what was going on.We got to the maternity ward, filled some forms in and waited a few minutes for a midwife to take me to my room to be examined. The midwife came, and very rudely said I didn't need the wheel chair, and that I could walk. I couldn't, but OK.
They should us to our room, which was really rather nice! Private bathroom, a sofa bed for Nyron to stay after the baby was born, a beautiful view of the Thames too.


The midwife came in and asked me how far the contractions were. I was standing eating chocolate and drinking Lucazade. The midwife said I didn't look like I was in labour. She then said she would examine me, if I was dilated enough they would send me home until. Too our shock I was 4 cm dilated, so pretty much nearly half way. I couldn't believe it, I said the the midwife "So, erm baby coming today?, "Tonight I will have the baby?" "Er yep" she said "by 6am you will be a mummy". Damn I thought, this is real now. God! No turning back. I could hardly get my head round what was going on. As silly as it may sound it never really hit me that I was actually pregnant. All seemed like a dream. The contractions now were every 2 to 3 minutes lasting a few seconds.
I still hadn't had a show nor had my waters broke. The midwife then said she would go and get the pool ready for me.


The time now was roughly 22:00. 




We decided after leaning about all the side affects that the interventions had that I would just try the birthing pool, see how that went first.
I didn't want to be numb from waste down while giving birth, nor have a drowsy baby. Not to mention the more serious things that can happen too. I wanted a calm, relaxed environment to bring my baby into. Warm, dimmed lights, music, scented candles, you name it I had it all planned.
While the midwife ran the pool, Nyron ran down to the car to get the bags. Mean while I made my way to the birthing pool.
It was a nice room, dimmed lights and radio. Very hot though. I asked for a fan but due to health and safety it wasn't allowed.
I was still feeling OK, they contractions had eased slightly. The midwife then asked me to check the pool temperature and change and get into the pool. It was lovely, nice and warm. I then changed and climbed into the pool. For some reason I asked to keep my bra on, don't know why but I did.
So I climbed into the pool with my bra on and made myself all comfy, after all this was going to be a long night. I had planned to use gas and air, so she gave the gas and air for me to starting using. It wasn't doing anything at all.
I then started to panic because Nyron wasn't back yet. With in seconds he walked in. Looking a bit shocked to see me in the pool with the air in my mouth. He sat down beside me and the midwife behind us. I carried on with the air. It still wasn't doing anything. I then asked the midwife if this was it? I said "this isn't bad at all" She then said "it will get s little more intense my dare" Within a few minutes she was right it began to get more intense. Every couple of seconds lasting seconds. This went on for half an hour or so.

My birth Plan

 Birth Plan

General Information :
Name: Eva A Verissimo
Husbands Name: Nyron A Gordon
Baby’s name : Tulá Leonora Gordon
Due Date: 30/10/2009
Allergies: N/A
Blood Type: B+
Rh Factor: N/A
Hospital/Birthing Center where you plan to deliver:   St Thomas Home from home unit.
Labor induction/augmentation :
If I go past my due date if baby and I's health is not at risk, I would prefer not to be induced.
I would prefer trying the following methods to induce labor:
* Breast Stimulation * Castor oil * Herbs * Walking * Sexual Intercourse * Hot bath
Environment :
I would like the following to be present during labor: Nyron Gordon
I would like the following to be present during actual birth: Nyron Gordon
I would like to bring music. I would prefer dim lighting/candles. I would like to wear my own clothes. I would prefer to stay in one room during labor, birth, and post delivery if available. I would like to be able to walk around, mobility is important to me. I do not want any students present during labour or birth.
Equipment :
I would like the following equipment available to me. If unavailable,  I would like to bring them with me, if possible.
* Birthing bed * Birthing ball * Birthing stool * Beanbag * Birthing pool or tub * Shower
Preparation :
I would prefer not to be given an enema
I would prefer to be able to eat and drink during labor. I would prefer no IV unless absolutely necessary.
Monitoring :
I would prefer no monitoring to be done if there are no signs of distress. I would prefer external monitoring if monitoring is necessary.
Anesthesia - Pain medication/Pain relief :
I would prefer to try laboring without pain medication.  I will ask if I would like something for pain.  Please do not ask me.
I intend on using a Tens machine. Gas and Air. Massage.
First Stage of Labor :
I do not want to be separated from my partner during labor or birth. I would like no time limits on laboring and prefer labor not to be augmented unless  medically necessary. I would prefer my water not be broken during labor. I would prefer vaginal exams kept to a minimum. I would like encouragement throughout labor. I would like to be kept informed and involved in all decision making.
Episiotomy :
I'd prefer not to have an episiotomy unless absolutely necessary.
Second Stage of Labor :
I would like to be able to try any position comfortable during pushing. I would like no time limits on pushing. I do not want to be rushed to push. I would like counting to help me push.
Third stage of Labour: I would prefer a natural third stage of labour
After Birth :
I would like photos taken as soon as baby is born. I would like my partner to catch the baby if baby is delivered in water. I would like to have baby placed on my chest immediately after birth. I would like to have my partner ASKED if he would like to cut the cord. I would like to wait on cutting the umbilical cord until it stops pulsating. I would like to have baby's first bath/wash and assessment to be done in my presence. I do not wish to see my placenta after birth. Please do not show it to me. I would like baby handed to Nyron Gordon while I am being looked after after birth. I would like baby to room in with me. I would like baby in her own clothes/towel/blanket. I would like Nyron Gordon to change baby’s first nappy. I would like to be discharged as soon as possible.
Cesarian Section :
I would like to avoid a c-section if possible. If c-section is necessary, I would like my partner present I would like to touch baby after birth. I would like partner to hold baby after birth. I would like screen lowered so I can view birth. I would like to breastfeed baby as soon as possible.
Breastfeeding :
I would like baby straight onto breast, but I have milk available in case unable to breastfeed.
Additional Comments :

My Baby Shower

Goggle is not your friend

I have a live feed on my blog which tells me who had visited (only the city/state they are from) my blog and what website they came from and website they leave to.

For some reason when you google miscarriage statistics, one of my previousblogs comes up where I copied & pasted some statistics I found on the Internet. So anytime someone googles this, they come across that blog post.

I imagine that this is happening because, like me, you are petrified of a miscarriage once you learn you are pregnant. So you hop on Google and bring up some websites in hopes of getting some reassurance that you will not be a part of this devastating statistic.

I am a part of this statistic. I always will be. Nothing is going to change that. That 5% my blog post talks about, I am a part of that. 5% seems small, but not once you find yourself a part of it.

When you are pregnant, Google is not your friend. You try to Google every worry in order to breath easier and most of the time you come across something that makes you feel worse and then find something else you would have never worried about had you not Googled in the first place!

So as much as humanly possible, refrain from the Google!! Step away from the computer and take a deep breath. I may be a part of this statistic, but that doesn't mean you will be. If you are truly worried about something, call your OB. This is what they get paid the big bucks for. They can give you the reassurance you need. After all, they have a medical degree and we all know degrees from University of Google aren't recognized at any medical facility!! =)

I understand your worry. My future pregnancy(s) will always be plagued with this fear. Don't let this ruin your pregnancy bliss! Relax, put your feet up and have a giant bowl of ice cream! You deserve it!

A letter to my unborn baby

I write this letter to my unborn child from the depths of my soul.


You've entered my womb and made my life complete and whole.
I never thought I would be chosen for such an awesome task.
It is a greater blessing than what I ever could ask.
I can almost imagine you in my mind.
Beautiful, Happy, Bouncing, flashing a smile so kind.
Feeling you flutter is a sensation like no other.
It does wonders for the joy of this soon-to-be-mother!
You create a glow in me I never knew I would see.
It is true happiness that sets me on cloud nine manifested deep inside of me!
You're my baby, my child, my heart, and my wonder.
I pray we create a bond that no one can put asunder.
You're a designers' original! A creation from the King!
I can hardly wait for you to enter the world and see the joy you bring.
Sweet baby of mine, you're a magnificent gift from above.
Living proof of how your father and I have shared our love.
I hope you have your fathers' eyes
Then you will go into the world able to look at all things wise.
I hope you inherit my ability to plan.
With that you will be able to face all things in life as a strong woman or man.
I hope you receive from your father his selfless ways.
For this the Heavenly Father will bless you, as he did him, all of your days.
I hope you learn from me, spirit and let no one take it.
Believe me you will need it in life, and many will try to break it.
But with that spirit you must have your father's center.
With that you will be cautious of any door you enter.
I want you to have my curiosity.
There's nothing wrong with questions you may blurt!
But receive your fathers' discernment,
so you'll know when to let go before getting hurt.
Have my big heart; know what emotions are and how to be real.
Share your fathers' strength so you can handle what you feel.
Share my sense of humor! Laugh a lot it helps you through life.
Share your fathers' sense of duty. Know how to be serious and take strife.
I'm emotional so I tell you its okay to blubber once and a while like your Mum.
But learn to develop what your father has; an excellent sense of calm.
But most of all the things I wish for your father and I to share.
I wish we teach you to love, respect, strength of mind, and to care.
These are my feelings, wishes and hopes for you.
You make my heart and soul sing!
I welcome you to the world and thank you for the joy,
My little king or queen.

Tulá Leanora Gordon: Cystal Palace Park & Lunch on the Heath!

www.crystalpalacepark.org

Still Terrified

You would think since I am 32 weeks pregnant that I feel totally confident that this pregnancy is a success. Wrong. I am still scared to this day. There are so many things that can happen even in this stage of pregnancy. And the scary part is that if something were to....a death certificate would be issued.

It isn't until she comes out and is placed on my stomach that I will breath a little easier. Only 5-7 weeks to go!!!

Finding out

My name is Eva . And I am 30 years old, Married  to Nyron for 2 years. Following a very painful traumatic miscarriage in July 2008 today I found out I'm pregnant again. After only 6 months trying so hard to fall pregnant it happened. I never thought I could or would have any children, after my miscarriage I was convinced something was wrong with me. I made the GP give me a load of test to make sure all was OK. Blood tests, scans you name it I had it done. I even began testing Nyron! at home, found a website that sold kits to test sperm count. Bless him, he tested himself without any complaints. Always Love you for that. Everything came back normal for both of us, so there was no reason why I shouldn't fall pregnant. I started using Ovulation kits to monitor when I would be most fertile. That began to make me sightly obsessed. After a few months of any luck I gave up on the kits and thought if its meant to be its meant to be. 
My last pregnancy was a complete and utter shock, Nyron and I were going through some bad times and not getting on too well at all, so a baby just was not good timing. Maybe that was God's way of telling me that I don't know.
Nyron knew I was trying to get pregnant again, I never hid it from him. I would tell me that we should wait and carry on working on our relationship, but would be happy if God willing I was to be blessed once again with a baby I so wanted more than anything.




Am I ready for this?  Well… I’ve wanted it for long enough. I guess I’ll become ready.The last few days I have been really tired, falling asleep really early.
Could it be?  . . .
All day I have been thinking should I do a pregnancy test? No I can't be, can I? I wanted to do the test when Nyron was home. We went food shopping at Asda, I told Ny that I would do a pregnancy test when we got home, {I had a whole lot of test at home} But didn't believe I could be again.
It was just before midnight, I grabbed the test and went into the bathroom. As I peeded on that stick I prayed, "please please let it be" After a few seconds the pink was strong and I knew. I am pregnant! 
I ran into the front room and told Nyron, he was happy but still worried about out relationship. I didn't care 1 bit, I knew we would be fine.
I went into the bedroom as I wanted to cry, I held my stomach so tight and said hello to my baby. Told her I loved her. I thanked God for answering my prays, and oh did I pray so hard for this moment again. 
I feel so blessed. 


Life is going to be very different from now on.

I'm loosing it

I silently sang this when I was changing Tula's's dirty nappy at 2am (to the tune of Barbie Girl, by Aqua):

She's my Tutu girl
In her Tutu world
What a nappy
It's so crappy
How could my little bear
Crap this much everywhere
Excrement-ation
Poo was her creation

Come on nappy
In the trashy

(Repeat as desired, or until you lose your mind)

A Bad day'S Mothering

I know everyone has them. Those days where you just feel like nothing youre doing is right. When you suspect, in the back of your frazzled mind, that you might be ruining your poor, sweet, crying child, for ever.

I’m not sure if it’s the post Christmas let down, as our family wittles down to just the three of us again, if it’s the snowy cold weather, or if it’s teething or some other developmental milestone, but Tula has had a really rough few days.

We had two nights of very little sleep, day and night. We’re also incapable of putting her down at the moment without a heartbreaking, why – don’t- you -love -me -anymore scream fest. She’s obviously exhausted, but even putting her down to sleep, which normally might perhaps if anything raise a whimper, is now a tear inducing trauma.

And I’m just not the ‘Cry It Out’ sort of mother. Yes, I believe they need to ‘learn’. I believe that she needs to know I have her best interests at heart. I believe she can’t run the roost, so to speak.

But if I were upset, miserable, and simply not myself, and I was not physically able to tell those closest to me what was wrong, and I was ignored and left to my misery, I would very quickly develop a negative relationship with those people.

How can I expect my baby to be okay, to trust me or to believe I am looking after her interests, if I can’t be there for her in her most vulnerable times?

As my frantic little one falls asleep in her daddy’s chest after a dose of Rescue Remedy and some crushed chamomila (for the teeth) I can only hope for a better tomorrow.