Goggle is not your friend

I have a live feed on my blog which tells me who had visited (only the city/state they are from) my blog and what website they came from and website they leave to.

For some reason when you google miscarriage statistics, one of my previousblogs comes up where I copied & pasted some statistics I found on the Internet. So anytime someone googles this, they come across that blog post.

I imagine that this is happening because, like me, you are petrified of a miscarriage once you learn you are pregnant. So you hop on Google and bring up some websites in hopes of getting some reassurance that you will not be a part of this devastating statistic.

I am a part of this statistic. I always will be. Nothing is going to change that. That 5% my blog post talks about, I am a part of that. 5% seems small, but not once you find yourself a part of it.

When you are pregnant, Google is not your friend. You try to Google every worry in order to breath easier and most of the time you come across something that makes you feel worse and then find something else you would have never worried about had you not Googled in the first place!

So as much as humanly possible, refrain from the Google!! Step away from the computer and take a deep breath. I may be a part of this statistic, but that doesn't mean you will be. If you are truly worried about something, call your OB. This is what they get paid the big bucks for. They can give you the reassurance you need. After all, they have a medical degree and we all know degrees from University of Google aren't recognized at any medical facility!! =)

I understand your worry. My future pregnancy(s) will always be plagued with this fear. Don't let this ruin your pregnancy bliss! Relax, put your feet up and have a giant bowl of ice cream! You deserve it!

A letter to my unborn baby

I write this letter to my unborn child from the depths of my soul.


You've entered my womb and made my life complete and whole.
I never thought I would be chosen for such an awesome task.
It is a greater blessing than what I ever could ask.
I can almost imagine you in my mind.
Beautiful, Happy, Bouncing, flashing a smile so kind.
Feeling you flutter is a sensation like no other.
It does wonders for the joy of this soon-to-be-mother!
You create a glow in me I never knew I would see.
It is true happiness that sets me on cloud nine manifested deep inside of me!
You're my baby, my child, my heart, and my wonder.
I pray we create a bond that no one can put asunder.
You're a designers' original! A creation from the King!
I can hardly wait for you to enter the world and see the joy you bring.
Sweet baby of mine, you're a magnificent gift from above.
Living proof of how your father and I have shared our love.
I hope you have your fathers' eyes
Then you will go into the world able to look at all things wise.
I hope you inherit my ability to plan.
With that you will be able to face all things in life as a strong woman or man.
I hope you receive from your father his selfless ways.
For this the Heavenly Father will bless you, as he did him, all of your days.
I hope you learn from me, spirit and let no one take it.
Believe me you will need it in life, and many will try to break it.
But with that spirit you must have your father's center.
With that you will be cautious of any door you enter.
I want you to have my curiosity.
There's nothing wrong with questions you may blurt!
But receive your fathers' discernment,
so you'll know when to let go before getting hurt.
Have my big heart; know what emotions are and how to be real.
Share your fathers' strength so you can handle what you feel.
Share my sense of humor! Laugh a lot it helps you through life.
Share your fathers' sense of duty. Know how to be serious and take strife.
I'm emotional so I tell you its okay to blubber once and a while like your Mum.
But learn to develop what your father has; an excellent sense of calm.
But most of all the things I wish for your father and I to share.
I wish we teach you to love, respect, strength of mind, and to care.
These are my feelings, wishes and hopes for you.
You make my heart and soul sing!
I welcome you to the world and thank you for the joy,
My little king or queen.

Tulá Leanora Gordon: Cystal Palace Park & Lunch on the Heath!

www.crystalpalacepark.org

Still Terrified

You would think since I am 32 weeks pregnant that I feel totally confident that this pregnancy is a success. Wrong. I am still scared to this day. There are so many things that can happen even in this stage of pregnancy. And the scary part is that if something were to....a death certificate would be issued.

It isn't until she comes out and is placed on my stomach that I will breath a little easier. Only 5-7 weeks to go!!!

Finding out

My name is Eva . And I am 30 years old, Married  to Nyron for 2 years. Following a very painful traumatic miscarriage in July 2008 today I found out I'm pregnant again. After only 6 months trying so hard to fall pregnant it happened. I never thought I could or would have any children, after my miscarriage I was convinced something was wrong with me. I made the GP give me a load of test to make sure all was OK. Blood tests, scans you name it I had it done. I even began testing Nyron! at home, found a website that sold kits to test sperm count. Bless him, he tested himself without any complaints. Always Love you for that. Everything came back normal for both of us, so there was no reason why I shouldn't fall pregnant. I started using Ovulation kits to monitor when I would be most fertile. That began to make me sightly obsessed. After a few months of any luck I gave up on the kits and thought if its meant to be its meant to be. 
My last pregnancy was a complete and utter shock, Nyron and I were going through some bad times and not getting on too well at all, so a baby just was not good timing. Maybe that was God's way of telling me that I don't know.
Nyron knew I was trying to get pregnant again, I never hid it from him. I would tell me that we should wait and carry on working on our relationship, but would be happy if God willing I was to be blessed once again with a baby I so wanted more than anything.




Am I ready for this?  Well… I’ve wanted it for long enough. I guess I’ll become ready.The last few days I have been really tired, falling asleep really early.
Could it be?  . . .
All day I have been thinking should I do a pregnancy test? No I can't be, can I? I wanted to do the test when Nyron was home. We went food shopping at Asda, I told Ny that I would do a pregnancy test when we got home, {I had a whole lot of test at home} But didn't believe I could be again.
It was just before midnight, I grabbed the test and went into the bathroom. As I peeded on that stick I prayed, "please please let it be" After a few seconds the pink was strong and I knew. I am pregnant! 
I ran into the front room and told Nyron, he was happy but still worried about out relationship. I didn't care 1 bit, I knew we would be fine.
I went into the bedroom as I wanted to cry, I held my stomach so tight and said hello to my baby. Told her I loved her. I thanked God for answering my prays, and oh did I pray so hard for this moment again. 
I feel so blessed. 


Life is going to be very different from now on.

I'm loosing it

I silently sang this when I was changing Tula's's dirty nappy at 2am (to the tune of Barbie Girl, by Aqua):

She's my Tutu girl
In her Tutu world
What a nappy
It's so crappy
How could my little bear
Crap this much everywhere
Excrement-ation
Poo was her creation

Come on nappy
In the trashy

(Repeat as desired, or until you lose your mind)

A Bad day'S Mothering

I know everyone has them. Those days where you just feel like nothing youre doing is right. When you suspect, in the back of your frazzled mind, that you might be ruining your poor, sweet, crying child, for ever.

I’m not sure if it’s the post Christmas let down, as our family wittles down to just the three of us again, if it’s the snowy cold weather, or if it’s teething or some other developmental milestone, but Tula has had a really rough few days.

We had two nights of very little sleep, day and night. We’re also incapable of putting her down at the moment without a heartbreaking, why – don’t- you -love -me -anymore scream fest. She’s obviously exhausted, but even putting her down to sleep, which normally might perhaps if anything raise a whimper, is now a tear inducing trauma.

And I’m just not the ‘Cry It Out’ sort of mother. Yes, I believe they need to ‘learn’. I believe that she needs to know I have her best interests at heart. I believe she can’t run the roost, so to speak.

But if I were upset, miserable, and simply not myself, and I was not physically able to tell those closest to me what was wrong, and I was ignored and left to my misery, I would very quickly develop a negative relationship with those people.

How can I expect my baby to be okay, to trust me or to believe I am looking after her interests, if I can’t be there for her in her most vulnerable times?

As my frantic little one falls asleep in her daddy’s chest after a dose of Rescue Remedy and some crushed chamomila (for the teeth) I can only hope for a better tomorrow.